Wellity, Wellity.. 

Like me are you wondering what to do with your life now that Married At First Sight is over? Need that hit of trashy reality goodness? Look no further than The Bachelor in Paradise Australia! 


Osher

Bringing back some of our favourites from all the previous seasons of the Bachelor and The Bachelorette; we expected fireworks, drama, hormones flying about everywhere and let’s be real - hot shirtless dudes on an island. All I can say is that the editors have their work cut out for them! With booze on offer all round, it’s gonna take a lot of work for them to be able to piece together this drama cohesively! 

The episode began with the one and only Osher Gunsberg with hair that could withstand a tropical cyclone, explaining how the show will work and that the ‘Rose Ceremony’ will take place each week taking in turns with the ladies and guys choosing who will stay in paradise. 


Osher's hair

ARRIVAL 1 - TARA

First up to the plate, Tara that we fell in love with during Matty J’s season of The Bachelor - the token bogan who loved a Macca’s Cheeseburger and feeling Matty’s arse. Realising she was the first one there and getting the sweats, she headed to the bar - woman after my own heart honestly. 


So excited

ARRIVAL 2 - MICHAEL

Next up, we welcomed Michael - the runner up ‘Ken Doll’ that got his heart broken during Sam Frost’s Bachelorette season and can I just say, that boy is prettier than I am. Not a hair out place on his head.

Meeting Tara inside, there were no immediate sparks, Tara was sweating all over the place and had absolutely no bones about telling him. 

Hot out here

ARRIVAL 3 - LUKE

Ah, remember Luke! The one we had pegged to steal Sophie Monk’s heart and then somehow f**ked it all up and left with no explanation! Some shit obvs went down off camera there… 

Anyway the Manly boy looks as good as ever and no doubt will charm some lucky lady in there.

ARRIVAL 4 - LISA

K, so I don’t really remember Lisa, but she seems sane and relatively normal. Lisa and Luke anyone? 

ARRIVAL 5 - LEAH

*cue the dramatic music* Leah “that likes to keep things interesting” is back! This time without her sidekick Jen. We’re expecting nothing but drama with Leah and honestly, it makes for excellent television! 

Drama

ARRIVAL 6 - DAVEY

Davey the “full blown legend” is back and his dad’s advice to “not embarrass yourself” has already failed! 

ARRIVAL 7 - BRETT

Ah Brett, who had absolutely no chance with Sophie Monk and apparently has a girlfriend? Let’s see how this one plays out… 


ARRIVAL 8 - NINA

Yeah, seems nice….?


No idea

ARRIVAL 9 - EDEN

Oh this clown, back again but no breakdancing this time. 

ARRIVAL 10 - FLORENCE

Megababe Flo is back and isn't messing about. “I’ve got such bad taste in men, it’s so funny.” Don’t we all Flo, don't we all! 

After  being on the island for what seemed like a hot minute, Flo is swooped up by Davey. 



ARRIVAL 11 - MACK 

Remember the creepy dude from Sophie’s season?

Mack

ARRIVAL 12 - BLAKE

The villain from Sophie’s season that stormed off pissed AF with a “ciao”. Describes himself as 50% douche, 50% arrogant and 50% says what he thinks. 100% doesn’t understand percentages. Or style - WTF is that watermelon romper? Get a linen shirt like a normal dude, man! 

Blake

ARRIVAL 13 - JAKE

“the nice family guy” that has already banged Flo. Cos you know as she describes it… “you know, you flirt on Instagram and then get drunk at an event together” Happens to the best of us, babes. 

And here’s when the drama begins! Flo is into Davey, but also into Jake… and Davey is so into Flo but Jake is his best mate and he knows there’s history there. and doesn’t wanna piss his mate Jake off so he takes Leah on his single date! AND FLO IS PISSED. - thus begins this effed up love square. 

Okay, so I’m not sure whether Davey is a dumbass or not, but things worked out for him! His date with Leah was boring AF and Jake and Flo ended up having it out cos “everyone has a Jake Ellis story” - guess he used that ‘influencer’ fame to his advantage. 

Awkward

ARRIVAL 14 - KEIRA

K, scratch the Leah drama, KEIRA IS BACK and we know she is going to bring the goods! Being in paradise for a good 5 mins she’s filled in on all the love triangle / square drama and is like WTF Guys, calm your shit - it’s day one. Never thought I’d say this but Keira might be the voice of reason! Everyone needs to chiiilllllllll. 

Keira


The ep ends with Jake getting a single date card and getting “his boys” to help him decide who to take. Seems an obvious choice doesn’t it?  He wanders up to Flo and asks her on a date, she says yes (surprise, surprise) and Davey is pissed. Geez, what a cliffhanger… 

All in all, we know Bachie in Paradise is full of trashy drama, and drunks on an island that we’re no doubt going to follow until the end! 

UNREAL